From me to you

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I recently started seeing someone and I am truly into him.

I stumbled across a post about embarrassing things a future husband needs to know about a 20 something yr old girl… I thought to myself I need to write a list like this.

And actually give it to him.

So I did.

Dear You,

I need you to …

1. Say loving things to me—and touch me a lot
I am not interested in being bought fancy things or taken out for dinners (although it is nice occasionally) however when it comes to knowing that you want me around I need you to verbally tell me. And show me physically. I’ll also settle for a text message (or 20), too.

2. Remind me you’re sticking around
Sorry, you can blame my Father. And Tinder (haha!)
I don’t have much faith in the opposite sex so it’s hard for me to trust and be vulnerable to you, but I want to. Please know this.

3. Tell me about your day
You’re already so great at doing this!!
I want to know you. What is in your mind, your heart, what you stand for, what pisses you off, what makes you unique, what turns you on—I want to savour it all. So tell me everything. Share your life with me.

4. I am a sensitive little butterfly
I often take things to heart. Things that are said flippantly or in the heat of the moment (especially if I am feeling vulnerable) these words can affect me way more than I let on. There is a reason Perfect Brat is tattooed on my ass… because I like to try and be perfect. Yes this is ridiculous. But I can get frustrated and angry when I can’t do something properly so please be patient. And don’t laugh.

5. Have A LOT of sex with me
I am a very sexual person; it helps me feel physically connected to you. And I need to know that you desire me and see me as the sexiest woman you’ve ever known. This helps me open up to you – not just physically but mentally and emotionally too.

6. When I am upset or hurt I am not good at communicating
I tend to hold everything in when I feel insecure; I don’t like making people angry and I am not great with confrontation and arguing – my family does it way too much – so I tend to hold it in. I’m learning to talk things through, but this means me trying to talk through my tears often – so please be gentle. And patient.

7. Plan regular date nights
Even if it’s just in our trackies on a Saturday night with take away and a DVD. Sharing time like this one on one is so important, no phones, no other people, just us! Can we make a deal that we’ll have a date night once a fortnight?

8. I can be crazy
Yes I am a woman. Yes I can be crazy. Most of the time I try to stay balanced and calm but occasionally my hormones can get the best of me or I will just be having a shitty damn day! Either of these will inevitably lead to me doing/ saying something stupid. It will piss you off. But I will always come and say sorry later.

9. Make me laugh.
Laughter really is the best medicine. It can ease the strain of a long day or just get your mind off something that is stressing you out. I like messing around and being an idiot, taking life too seriously is something I don’t subscribe to. When you have nothing you can still have a sense of humour!

Down the track……

10. Make me feel loved
And adored. In every relationship I’ve been in, I haven’t felt loved by the man I was with. Not truly, not fully, and not sincerely. I need to feel love in my bones and see it in your eyes. Why? Because I will love you more than you can imagine, and I need you to feel the same. I promise to always come home to you. I promise to care for you and support you in everything you set out to achieve. I promise to stand by you and be on your team. No matter what.

human connection

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Today I discovered a key. You know that feeling you get when you are chasing an answer to something but haven’t quite worked out the right question to ask?

In the last few years I have wondered what it is that renders us slaves to anxiety, depression, drug dependence. Numbness.

It is so abundant in our generation, how did we arrive here?

What is it about the numbness that is so appealing, beckons you like an old friend who knows you better than you know yourself?

Ironically I found my way to this answer scrolling through my facebook feed. An interesting article about drug addiction radically challenging the school of thought surrounding addiction popped itself on my radar. Sure, I thought, why not… looks interesting.

Read it for yourself, I would love to hear your thoughts…

http://www.undergroundhealth.com/likely-cause-addiction-discovered-not-think/

The answer. Connection. Human connection.

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Humans crave personal connection, we want to be wanted. Loved. To bond with others. To share our journey, it is an incessant need, part of our hard wiring. Helping us stretch, grow and heal.

What fascinated me so much about this revelation was that it’s not a new concept to us. But keeping human connection in mind whilst delving into addiction can make all the difference to if we stay an addict or shake it off (props T Swizzle).

So what else can this revelation help with?

‘Oh the places you will go!’ sounds loudly in my head.

I want to use this key to conquer the world with love. To stare my fear in the face and believe I can make a difference in humanity, to step into the unknown. To love where it is easy to be indifferent, to teach where it is easy to dismiss, to guide where it is easy to let it be lost. I just found the next brick in my path. Thank you universe.

Love love xxx

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The year of Restoration

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I didn’t feel the usual excitement of fresh New Year energy on entering 2015… it has been a hard couple of years and I didn’t want to allow the usual tantalising anticipation of a New Year to lull me into a false sense of confidence. Throw a Mercury Retrograde into this mix and it has been a roller coaster ride of positive and negative mind sets. Some moments overwhelming me with fear and debilitating self doubt, propelling my ‘Queen of Procrastination’ anthem to sing to me whilst hiding in my blanket fort and blocking out the world. Unfortunately, while this seems like a great idea it does not serve my highest purpose. Where to go from now then? Seek help. Yup, although I am a strong, independent, warrior woman, I am in need of some guidance and help.

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Amazingly, as the universe always works, 3 wonderful women stepped forward into my life like beacons of shining light! All 3 of these women resonated with me in different ways with their messages and healing words and I want to share them with you;

Allie Ackland-Prpic  –  Energy Healer, hypnotherapist and psychologist

http://www.healingpsychology.com.au/

Tara Bliss – Author, Spiritual Practice Coach & Speaker

http://tarabliss.com.au/

Elizabeth Peru – Cosmic Guide & Teacher

http://www.deltawaves.com.au/

Time

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Your actions tell me I’m not worth your time which is not ok with me. I deserve better. It rips a little hole in my chest because I’m willing to give you my everything but you’re not willing to share. Time is the most precious gift. Free, but the most valuable thing we have. So. In light of this I am walking away. What you choose to do from here is entirely up to you.

What’s with today…..today?

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There’s something about today. Maybe because I woke up before the sun. Maybe because I am meeting a man. Maybe because it has been raining all night or maybe because the Full Moon is two days away. It feels melancholy but loaded with potential. Like if you can just see past the ego and tap into the Universal Energy you will feel the love and all the sorrow will drip away from your soul like wax off a candle. Maybe I am just full of hope and love and positivity because today could be the day I meet the man of my dreams. And he becomes my reality.

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Love love xxx

Ain’t no second prize

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So many of us constantly feel the urge to escape what it is we are feeling….. we do it with caffeine, sugar, alcohol, drugs….whatever we can get our hands on. I recently went out for coffee (the irony is not lost on me) with a beautiful kind hearted woman I used to work with…. she is struggling with addiction. To alcohol. To weed. She was describing a mutual acquaintance of ours who had been on the clean and sober band wagon for 3 months and then decided to go out and get drunk. So messed up drunk that her pregnant sister had to come and get her…… and I was just sitting there thinking…I know so many of these people. People who have been conditioned into this lifestyle of getting drunk every week its normal. Now I know this isn’t exactly a news flash but why is this happening? What can we do…I do… to help these people? Because I can tell you from the bottom of their soul they don’t want to be like this… a slave to addiction but it is a tale as old of time. How did it get like this? Our society and culture has shaped this behaviour. I know women who go to bed with ‘beer’ or ‘wine’ every night, husbands stinking of their reward for getting through a work day. And I think how sad…. Life wasn’t meant to be numbed but somehow we have fallen for the illusion that it is our prize for living it.

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Love love xxx

As humans, why are we governed by fear?

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I have a lot of issues. Nobody’s perfect.  One such issue is that I am 31 years old and have not found my person. The person who is my sun and sky, who will grow with me, laugh with me, cry with me and everything in between. My sister who is the tender age of 23 has just gotten engaged. She found him at 21. 21 years of age. Believe me when I say from my whole heart and soul that I am happy for her, they are beautiful together. They balance each other out perfectly. So why did I have a massive melt down when I found out they were getting married? Because of fear. Fear that I will never find the one I love. Will never have the life I dream of every night. Fear I will never become a Mum and start my own beautiful little family. Fear. That huge, ugly, horrible monster that lives in everyone’s closet. I fucking hate that monster. So why do I let him rule my world? I don’t. Fucking. Know.

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I have done all sorts of healing work. Working on my soul, my energy, on acceptance…. but the one thing I cannot seem to get past is the unwavering belief that I will meet him. I have just never believed it will happen for me.  I never truly realised this until today. My wonderful Mother (Happy Mothers Day btw – you amazing, giver of life you!) sat me down at the beach and just said….. ‘You don’t honestly believe you will meet him. You need to look yourself in the mirror everyday and say …today could be the day! And be ready, feel beautiful and prepared everyday before you step out of the house,  that is how you can shift it’.

So. I say to you my Dear Friend, we all have something that we let fear get in the way of but maybe, just maybe if we look ourselves in the eye, every morning and tell ourselves otherwise…..it just might change!

 Love love xxx