So Im having a baby in 5 weeks….or 35 sleeps to be exact. Thats if the due date is right. Which I don’t think it is, plus Im feeling like it will come early. Naturally as a first time Mum my mind is pretty consumed about the birth. How am I going to go? I’ve chosen to do a natural bath birth, in hospital – well this is the plan anyway. Reading up on births and how best to manage the pain, it seems floating in a sea of information, there are a few certainties:
I have absolutely NO idea what Im in for… no matter how much I read
You can have a plan but that is all. What will happen could be completely different so make peace with that and LET IT GO
Breathe, make noise or do whatever your body feels like doing when you are going through the labour process – this will help offset the pain. Slightly
The gorgeous little human you get to meet will be the best thing that has ever happened to you
I need to re read A. And Again. This applies to the first few weeks of being home with a newborn also
I would be lying if I didn’t say I was nervous, I worry about how my body is going to cope. Although I don’t consider myself to be reasonably fit (compared to my Crossfit partner anyway!) Im a healthy woman who is active everyday. This being said I am working hard mentally to try and let go of the outcome of a normal, natural birth. I have to prepare for the possibility this may not be the case. I like to think of myself as an Earth Mother, my body knows what to do and when to do it. I love to envisage an easy birth experience full of love and appreciation of not only the hard work I will go through to meet the beautiful baby but the whole messy, painful process. I realise this is probably naive, but I am a dreamer.
Mainly I just want the birth to be on our terms (the baby and I), the thought of having to be induced or a C section freaks me out. I realise medical intervention has it’s place but Universe if you’re listening, this is me placing my order of a normal, natural birth where the baby chooses when to come into this world and we work together for it to come out the birthing passage.
So, Im off to read some more blog posts and books (haha!), pack my hospital bag and get excited about meeting my tiny little human.
The funny thing about love is, it never looks like how you’d imagined.
You find him attractive, you both hit it off, and you feel like FINALLY I have found one that has essence. Integrity. Similarities that bond you, differences that intrigue you. Yes let’s ride off into the sunset together.
And then reality hits. The self sabotage begins. The fears come creeping in and it paralyses you. All of your past experiences come back to haunt the challenges you face with him.
What to do…
Run? Fight for it? Ignore and rise above? Numb yourself?
I want to choose the path with the least amount of pain. Is he worth it? Is this what I really want?
You see I believe in universal flow and coincidences and what happens when that stops and you hit the bumpy part of the road? Is it a sign to examine these bumps and see how you can heal them or are they warning signs of the mountains ahead?
I guess the funny thing about love is you have to keep choosing them, as well as yourself, or else it dies.
I’ve recently had a spate of experiences within the customer service realm both as an employee and customer that have left me feeling, quite frankly a little disappointed with humanity.
I realise that it is not easy to run a business and as a society we also have the need for rules and regulations….databases and systems. Organisation and order is a beautiful thing. But. When did these systems and rules override the compassion of allowing humans to be just that. Human. In all of its magical chaos and messiness. Aren’t life lessons the point of our very existence?
Since when is it obscene to see a waiter eat a handful of nuts? Horrific to find the girl behind the reception desk wearing a scarf to keep her neck warm? Distasteful to see a tired cafe worker sipping on some water?
I get it. It is hard economic times but isn’t the happiness and morality of your staff propelling your business forward? Isn’t the aim of the game to work smarter not harder…to encourage your staff to engage whole heartedly in the business and work WITH you to develop ways to make the business grow? Does this nit picky environment of anti human comfort promote this sort of thing? I think not.
I will share a particularly personal story with you displaying my utter dismay at human interaction and compassion recently…
My beautiful little sister is getting married to the man of her dreams, let the excitement and festivities begin!! Of course we needed to go Bridesmaid dress shopping, which inevitably lead to choosing 3 exquisite dresses being put on lay-by from a particularly well know retail giant. A few weeks later we discovered some very exciting news… that one of the Bridesmaids had actually fallen pregnant. What a special time for the family! But alas we must take one Bridesmaid dress out of the lay-by as it will no longer fit by the time of the wedding. Something that should be a simple and straight forward task was like trying to complete an obstacle course with rings of burning fire.
After phoning the desk to explain the situation I was told that we can’t take one dress out of the lay-by and I would need to come into the store, go to the lay-by department and cancel the lay-by and then re submit with just the other two dresses. I was not informed that this would incur any fee or charges to make this change to the lay-by. So, on I went into the store to do exactly that. After explaining the situation to the lay-by Manager she proceeded to inform me that this was not possible and that the only way I could make changes to this lay-by was to pay off the total amount and refund one dress or cancel the lay-by entirely which would mean we would lose our 20% deposit as a cancellation fee regardless of the fact that we would be putting the other two dresses back on lay-by straight away. After a lengthy conversation explaining the SIMPLICITY of the transaction I was asking for, I was told repeatedly that ‘unfortunately our systems don’t work that way’ despite the fact we’re human beings not systems and that this situation was unexpected.
Is anyone else left feeling a little perplexed by this?
Life is not perfect. Things happen and people bend, blur and flat out break the rules. Knowing the difference between helping someone out and doing something illegal is within us all, a guiding force connected to our hearts. The essence of our humanness. Lets listen to it and act from there and maybe we can make a change in this world!
I didn’t feel the usual excitement of fresh New Year energy on entering 2015… it has been a hard couple of years and I didn’t want to allow the usual tantalising anticipation of a New Year to lull me into a false sense of confidence. Throw a Mercury Retrograde into this mix and it has been a roller coaster ride of positive and negative mind sets. Some moments overwhelming me with fear and debilitating self doubt, propelling my ‘Queen of Procrastination’ anthem to sing to me whilst hiding in my blanket fort and blocking out the world. Unfortunately, while this seems like a great idea it does not serve my highest purpose. Where to go from now then? Seek help. Yup, although I am a strong, independent, warrior woman, I am in need of some guidance and help.
Amazingly, as the universe always works, 3 wonderful women stepped forward into my life like beacons of shining light! All 3 of these women resonated with me in different ways with their messages and healing words and I want to share them with you;
Allie Ackland-Prpic – Energy Healer, hypnotherapist and psychologist
There’s something about today. Maybe because I woke up before the sun. Maybe because I am meeting a man. Maybe because it has been raining all night or maybe because the Full Moon is two days away. It feels melancholy but loaded with potential. Like if you can just see past the ego and tap into the Universal Energy you will feel the love and all the sorrow will drip away from your soul like wax off a candle. Maybe I am just full of hope and love and positivity because today could be the day I meet the man of my dreams. And he becomes my reality.
So many of us constantly feel the urge to escape what it is we are feeling….. we do it with caffeine, sugar, alcohol, drugs….whatever we can get our hands on. I recently went out for coffee (the irony is not lost on me) with a beautiful kind hearted woman I used to work with…. she is struggling with addiction. To alcohol. To weed. She was describing a mutual acquaintance of ours who had been on the clean and sober band wagon for 3 months and then decided to go out and get drunk. So messed up drunk that her pregnant sister had to come and get her…… and I was just sitting there thinking…I know so many of these people. People who have been conditioned into this lifestyle of getting drunk every week its normal. Now I know this isn’t exactly a news flash but why is this happening? What can we do…I do… to help these people? Because I can tell you from the bottom of their soul they don’t want to be like this… a slave to addiction but it is a tale as old of time. How did it get like this? Our society and culture has shaped this behaviour. I know women who go to bed with ‘beer’ or ‘wine’ every night, husbands stinking of their reward for getting through a work day. And I think how sad…. Life wasn’t meant to be numbed but somehow we have fallen for the illusion that it is our prize for living it.
I have a lot of issues. Nobody’s perfect. One such issue is that I am 31 years old and have not found my person. The person who is my sun and sky, who will grow with me, laugh with me, cry with me and everything in between. My sister who is the tender age of 23 has just gotten engaged. She found him at 21. 21 years of age. Believe me when I say from my whole heart and soul that I am happy for her, they are beautiful together. They balance each other out perfectly. So why did I have a massive melt down when I found out they were getting married? Because of fear. Fear that I will never find the one I love. Will never have the life I dream of every night. Fear I will never become a Mum and start my own beautiful little family. Fear. That huge, ugly, horrible monster that lives in everyone’s closet. I fucking hate that monster. So why do I let him rule my world? I don’t. Fucking. Know.
I have done all sorts of healing work. Working on my soul, my energy, on acceptance…. but the one thing I cannot seem to get past is the unwavering belief that I will meet him. I have just never believed it will happen for me. I never truly realised this until today. My wonderful Mother (Happy Mothers Day btw – you amazing, giver of life you!) sat me down at the beach and just said….. ‘You don’t honestly believe you will meet him. You need to look yourself in the mirror everyday and say …today could be the day! And be ready, feel beautiful and prepared everyday before you step out of the house, that is how you can shift it’.
So. I say to you my Dear Friend, we all have something that we let fear get in the way of but maybe, just maybe if we look ourselves in the eye, every morning and tell ourselves otherwise…..it just might change!